Jackson is my oldest cat. I don’t know exactly how old he is, probably around five and a half or so. This is how he spends his days.
Oh, of course, the little ones are play-fighting again. My god, do they ever sit still?
Ugh, one just jumped on me. No, no, go away, I don’t want to play. There, the Young Girl’s gone and picked you up, how do like that?
Oh. Oh, no, Big Girl, don’t pick me up, no–
Fine. I’ll purr. I guess I like this.
Ooh, she has a bowl with milk in it. It’s up on the table and it’s got some sort of human food in it, and Big Girl is eating it, but I like milk so it’s mine.
She gave it to me! Yes!
And now she’s leaving. One down, three to go. Young Girl will leave in a while, probably, with Man. Woman will leave a little after them. And then I’ll have the house all to myself!
Well, actually, I have to pee. I’ll stand in front of the door and stare at it until Big Girl leaves and lets me out.
Why does she look so cold? I don’t feel any different…
Okay, I’m done, back inside we go. Look, food! Wait, it’s only half full. Did those other damn cats already eat? Ugh.
But I got milk, so it’s okay.
I think I’ll take a nap. It’s just so comfortable here on this piece of paper. I don’t know why Woman was just watching it and not sleeping on it. Seems stupid.
Why is she pushing me off? It’s not like she’s using it.
Fine. I’ll just go sleep on the other side of the table, if it’s that big a deal.
She’s petting me. That’s nice. Purr.
One of the little cats is being loud again. SHUT UP. NO, YOU SHUT UP. YOU SHUT UP.
She’s dragging me into a play-fight. But–no–
Good. She’s gone. Young Girl and Man are leaving, I should probably go outside again.
It’s boring out here. Ooh, a bird!
Woman doesn’t seem to like my presents, so I don’t think I’ll bring it in the house this time. Maybe she’ll be more appreciative if I leave it on the doorstep, right where she can see it.
Oh, no, now she’s gone and stepped on it.
She’s got this really bad look on her face. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that. Farther down the pathway next time, I guess. No, no, the door’s closing, got to get inside!
Phew, made it. Wouldn’t want to be trapped out there all day.
Then again, now I’m trapped in here all day.
I can’t win with this.
A cardboard box! Yes! They got me a new bed! I’ll sleep in there for a few hours.
Did the little cats really have to wake me up? SHUT UP. I CAN’T GET YOU ANY MORE FOOD.
NO, I REALLY CAN’T.
They’re so stupid.
They need to figure out that running away from the Family isn’t going to do them any good. They’re just going to get picked up anyway. It’s inevitable.
Not that I really mind that much, but it is kind of uncomfortable when I’m up so high and I don’t have any control of my actions. Well, nothing I can do about it.
Look, Big Girl is home! Man is home!
What is Big Girl doing on her computer? It looks like there are little humans on there… why are there humans in the computer?
Young Girl is home.
GIVE ME FOOD.
She doesn’t understand. I need to be louder.
GIVE. ME. FOOD.
She’s yelling something to Big Girl, who rolls her eyes and comes over to give me food. Why couldn’t Young Girl do it? Would have been faster.
Ohhhh. What about water?
Nope, one of the little cats beat me to it. She’s so loud. What is wrong with that cat?
Eh. It works. Big Girl gives her a new bowl of water, and I join her, reluctantly.
Is that–Do I smell tuna?
Tuna? Tuna fish?
I leap onto the counter and peer into Young Girl’s snack. It is! It’s a bowl of tuna fish! I look at her. She smiles and hands me another bowl, full of the juice from the fish. Good enough. Better, even. I start lapping it up right away.
But now the other two are coming over. No. I refuse to share.
Good thing Young Girl made two other bowls. Phew. Disaster averted.
Woman is coming through the door. HEY! I say, and run over to her. She grins at me and bends down to pet me.
This is the good life.